The word confidence makes me slightly nervous, for I have never really understood its meaning. Yeah alright, I know the dictionary meaning which probably is the state of being certain about one’s actions, decisions, etc.
But when someone wants to know if I am a confident person, or if I am confident about an idea, decision..well, it makes my heart sink a bit. What if, I am wrong at the end! Yeah, now you know.. I get intimidated easily, at least in my mind if not on the exterior. But so do most of the people, don’t they! (At least, my experience with the world so far tells me that.)
Everyday we live fearing the consequences of our own decisions on our future, or others around us. Everyday we have to put on a tough and smiling exterior to show the world that we are confident, when inside we have no idea what’s gonna happen the next second. At workplace or personal space, any decision that you take ain’t gonna come with a guarantee.
Everyday we fear that others might realize that we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing and that we’re gonna be exposed. For me, I constantly live dreading the day when someone with a lot of might will tell me at my face,“Bugger off kiddo, you are a good for nothing, brainless idiot.” And you know what, the amazing part is it may have happened to me already a couple of times, although the words used were different but more or less meant the same thing. (I am not making a very good impression here, am I! :D) The point to be noted here is that I survived and I am proud of it, not so much proud of being brainless though.
The other day I was discussing with a close friend of mine on how important it is to believe in yourself and where does that belief come from. Well, over the years I have realized that self-belief is a divine and special feeling, that moment when you know that you’re gonna be in the safe zone no matter what! For me personally, that self belief comes from my worldly knowledge and experience so far, engaging in general good practices, being sincere and apolitical. After all, there is no unselfish act and you can expect good for yourself when you’re good. That’s where my teeny weeny confidence comes from, if you would ask me. Nevertheless, unfortunate incidents of being exposed may still happen. (Blame it on your Karma 🙂 )
“Be brave, take risks! Nothing can substitute experience.” ~ Paulo Coelho …… That’s another way of looking at it. The thought of learning something new and trying something different should make one more confident in daily lives. But there’s a catch to it, especially when you don’t want things to go wrong, in case the decisions can be life changing ones.
Just remember, everyone is sailing on the same boat and is equally vulnerable and scared to death inside. So when people tell me I am a brainless idiot, I know what’s really going on inside them and smile back.“The best part about realizing everyone is faking it, is that you get to stop faking it yourself.“ Now, that’s something I am really good at.. Being Genuine! 🙂
Chronicles of my destiny 