The word confidence makes me slightly nervous, for I have never really understood its meaning. Yeah alright, I know the dictionary meaning which probably is the state of being certain about one’s actions, decisions, etc.

But when someone wants to know if I am a confident person, or if I am confident about an idea, decision..well, it makes my heart sink a bit. What if, I am wrong at the end! Yeah, now you know.. I get intimidated easily, at least in my mind if not on the exterior. But so do most of the people, don’t they! (At least, my experience with the world so far tells me that.)

Everyday we live fearing the consequences of our own decisions on our future, or others around us. Everyday we have to put on a tough and smiling exterior to show the world that we are confident, when inside we have no idea what’s gonna happen the next second. At workplace or personal space, any decision that you take ain’t gonna come with a guarantee.

Everyday we fear that others might realize that we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing and that we’re gonna be exposed. For me, I constantly live dreading the day when someone with a lot of might will tell me at my face,“Bugger off kiddo, you are a good for nothing, brainless idiot.” And you know what, the amazing part is it may have happened to me already a couple of times, although the words used were different but more or less meant the same thing. (I am not making a very good impression here, am I! :D) The point to be noted here is that I survived and I am proud of it, not so much proud of being brainless though.

The other day I was discussing with a close friend of mine on how important it is to believe in yourself and where does that belief come from. Well, over the years I have realized that self-belief is a divine and special feeling, that moment when you know that you’re gonna be in the safe zone no matter what! For me personally, that self belief comes from my worldly knowledge and experience so far, engaging in general good practices, being sincere and apolitical. After all, there is no unselfish act and you can expect good for yourself when you’re good. That’s where my teeny weeny confidence comes from, if you would ask me. Nevertheless, unfortunate incidents of being exposed may still happen. (Blame it on your Karma 🙂 )

“Be brave, take risks! Nothing can substitute experience.” ~ Paulo Coelho …… That’s another way of looking at it. The thought of learning something new and trying something different should make one more confident in daily lives. But there’s a catch to it, especially when you don’t want things to go wrong, in case the decisions can be life changing ones.

Just remember, everyone is sailing on the same boat and is equally vulnerable and scared to death inside. So when people tell me I am a brainless idiot, I know what’s really going on inside them and smile back.“The best part about realizing everyone is faking it, is that you get to stop faking it yourself. Now, that’s something I am really good at.. Being Genuine! 🙂

“Everyday I fight for all my future somethings
A thousand little wars I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows and coming home empty
And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I’ll be alright
Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I’ll just scream
I’m only one voice in a million
But you ain’t taking that from me..”

When I started penning this post on confidence sometime back, I stumbled upon this beautiful piece written by a fellow WordPresser featured on Freshly Pressed. Some of the ideas in this post are inspired from her post. What my 20s Taught Me: Everyone’s faking it

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North Star..

What started as a mere time pass, became a full blown obsession over a period of time. I am an ardent fan of the homicide series Castle and truly admire the humor element which has kept me hooked on to it, considering that murder investigations at times get so creepy and serious.

After watching the dramatic season 3 finale where Kate was shot which made me cry (whom BTW I truly adore, wish I could be like her strong, fearless and so pretty all the time), expectations where very high from season 4 finale. But whoa.. what was that!! Season 4 finale made me cry too..(you might say I cry easily watching such scenes)..but I really loved the season 4 finale and it became my favorite from the entire 4 seasons, so far. Castle and Kate finally kissed, but Kate also resigned from NYPD 😦

The highlight of this episode was Alexis’ speech. “There are some people who are so much a part of us, they will be with us no matter what. They are like our solid ground..our North Stars!!” This post is dedicated to all my north stars who will come to know I am talking about them, when they read this. 🙂

This is my favorite scene from the entire 4 seasons.. Don’t know what’s gonna happen in season 5! Surprise me, guys!! 🙂

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It’s choice..not chance..that determines your destiny.

They say that our life is defined by the choices that we make. The wrong ones, the good ones, the perfect ones, the brilliant ones, the unexpected ones. We are what our choices make us to be!! That kind of puts too much pressure at times, especially when we know that the same choices are life altering ones for our own self.

Steve Jobs once said in his famous Stanford speech, “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.” Is that the trick? Is that how its done…. What if I am making the wrong choice? What happens next..? The irony is that I will never know unless I try the options. I have lived long enough to realize that not trying any of the options might leave me wondering forever for the rest of my life about how it could have been, what could have happened!!

Life is funny, ain’t it! When it’s not moving, we complain. And then when it moves too fast, we still complain! I guess humans are a messy lot.

All of us have heard this time and again that life is short, but that’s one hell of a truth, life is too damn short!! And that’s why our choices, steer our lives.

“Nothing goes as planned
Everything will break
People say goodbye
In their own special way
All that you rely on
And all that you could fake
Will leave you in the morning
Come find you in the day..

Everything will change.
Nothin stays the same.
And nobody here’s perfect.
Oh but everyones to blame…..”

Obsessed with this song!

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